Ask Amy: Teen daughter must become her own parent

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on Mar 20, 2023

Dear Amy: My daughter is engaged to her college boyfriend. They are now living together.

Even though my daughter’s income is substantially below his, he insists that she pay 50 percent of their expenses. She is starting to fall behind and is going into debt in order to keep up.

I’d like to know your thoughts.

– Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned: I’m wondering why your daughter’s fiancé has the power to decide and dictate their household finances?

If they are looking ahead to a marriage where they will be true partners, then these important issues should be negotiated and mutually decided upon – not dictated by one partner.

If she is managing her money responsibly but is not able to afford living with these terms, then something needs to change. It is ultimately extremely expensive to be in debt.

My greater point is that this is a red flag. The pressure of being in debt will add to the pressure of being with a partner who (at least from this account) sounds controlling.

Dear Amy: Like other readers, I was appalled at your response to “Anonymous,” the reader who complained about “free range” children at family events.

These parents are not only lazy, they are negligent. I can’t believe you stood up for them!

– Upset

Dear Upset: After warning about the hazards and dangers of children running “free range” at other people’s homes, I did stick up for these parents.

Anonymous did not mention that these children were rude or disruptive to others – only that they were permitted to run around on their own.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)