Ask Amy: Enabling parents look for a way out
Dear Tapped Out: If you and your husband saw a child in your classroom whose parents always swooped in to complete their homework, you would see how destructive this behavior is and how it impedes the child’s ability to handle challenges.
YOU have the spending problem.
Your lifetime practice of enabling “Clare” has helped to create an entitled, incompetent, needy, and angry adult who lacks basic judgment – and now she is passing this onto the next generation.
You enable her because you are too anxious or afraid to face the discomfort you would feel if you stopped.
And then there is this: Clare isn’t even nice to you!
She isn’t nice to you when you give, and she won’t be nice to you if you don’t.
You launched all three of your children into a debt-free adulthood. That’s more than many parents can do, and you did it.
Your duty at this stage of life is to take care of yourselves responsibly. (Will Clare take you in when there is nothing left?)
All requests should be met with: “We’re not giving any more money to you. You can solve your own problems – we believe in you!”
Don’t supply excuses or explanations.
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