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Ask Amy: Married man wonders about platonic friend

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear KK: Married people can certainly have and maintain friendships aside from the marriage, but here’s a reminder: Your spouse should really hold “best friend” status for you, and it is important that you convey this — in large and small ways — to your work friend.

An analogy I appreciate is to envision a structure – a house – where you and your wife are inside together. When others seek a friendship with you, they should knock on the door and be invited in.

Your work friend seems to be jimmying a window open. She is confiding in you, which is establishing a private intimacy. It obviously makes you feel uncomfortable, and my suggestion is for you to gently close the window and direct her around to the entrance of your metaphorical house.

Do not share deep and personal intimacies of your own life with her. Refrain from commenting too deeply when she confides in you.

Do not communicate with her outside of work.

Establishing firmer boundaries should help your friend to transition to a more appropriate relationship with you. It is important for her to recognize that you should not be her only friend and confidant.

 

It is important for you to recognize that any time you feel uncomfortable, you have the right (and responsibility) to respond in a way that protects you and your own interests, regardless of your perception of the other person’s needs.

Dear Amy: I am fully vaccinated and boostered, but I do not believe it is anyone's business except for my medical providers.

If I am invited somewhere and the person says that they need to know my vaccination status first, I would like to tell them that it is none of their business and I'm not comfortable with their questions, so let's not get together now. I’d like to say, “Let's get together when you feel comfortable issuing invitations without the medical questionnaire.”

I don’t want my response to sound as aggressive as that, however.

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