Life Advice



Ask Amy: ‘Bestie’ worries about her role in friend’s affair

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Deflated: Rather than add to your conversation with your daughter, I suggest that you take away something: Your own sense of embarrassment, shame, and any responsibility you might be tempted to assume for her rudeness.

You prompted her at her reception to do the right thing. She ignored your prompt.

Yes, she is an adult. This behavior – whether it was an oversight or deliberate – is her responsibility.

Not only is greeting one’s wedding guests basic wedding etiquette – it is also simply a “nice” thing to do, and for many people would be instinctual.

You and your wife should tell her, “Your aunt and uncle let us know that they were so disappointed that you didn’t take the time to greet them at the wedding. This would have taken you two minutes, and it would have made them feel appreciated. We hope you will choose to make things right, by apologizing to them.”

Dear Amy: “Good Auntie” should continue the use of the pronoun "she" and "her" instead of they/them for her young niece. She should use the child’s birth name if she is more comfortable with that.

The parents and child are asking Auntie to be tolerant. Auntie has the same right to ask that they be tolerant of her use of name/pronoun.


– A Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: A truly “Good Auntie” would recognize how deliberately hurtful this choice would be.


(You can email Amy Dickinson at or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

©2021 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.




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