Life Advice



Ask Amy: ‘Bestie’ worries about her role in friend’s affair

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

It is possible, and preferable, to deliver your radical honesty without attaching judgment to it.

You do this by using “I statements,” and by owning your personal distress about this.

For example: “I’m upset about this. I’m worried about your family’s future. My father’s infidelity destroyed me as a child, and this is bringing up a lot of painful memories for me.”

I also think it’s totally OK to convey to your friend, “I’m unsure of my role, here. I don’t feel comfortable being your confidant about this affair. I want you to know that our friendship is important to me, and I don’t want to lose it.”

It would be natural for you to step back a bit as she goes through this whirlwind.

Understand that people do make mistakes. People hurt one another.


Mistakes can be forgiven. Hurts can be healed.

But once you really lose respect for a person, it’s game over.

Dear Amy: My daughter said that she got the wedding of her dreams.

Family and friends came from far and wide to celebrate her nuptials.


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