Ask Amy: Widower ponders the heartache of dating

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on Aug 20, 2021

Can it be considered cheating if they are on dating sites and texting other people outside of the relationship?

I feel like its cheating.

What do you think?

– Storm

Dear Storm: You get to decide what you consider cheating in your own relationship. And even if your partner doesn’t consider this sort of behavior “cheating,” you still get to decide whether to accept it.

Some couples agree to have open relationships that welcome the concept of continuing to play the field. Your partner may want this, but if you don’t, the most important thing is to be brave enough to own up to your own feelings and vulnerabilities, and to discuss your feelings with your partner.

Dear Amy: I just had to write in response to "Can’t Wait Forever,” who is about to turn 35 and has a ticking biological clock.

I was hoping that you would suggest that she harvest and freeze some of her eggs. Although I don’t know the cost that this entails, it might be a viable solution for her.

It seemed to me that she has a lot of anxiety around this issue, which, to my mind, is not off-base, and rather than being told to "breathe through the anxiety and live in the moment”, she could be given a proactive, practical piece of advice that could set her mind at ease so she could actually live in the moment without fear.

– Better Solution

Dear Better: Thank you for the suggestion. Yes, egg harvesting and storage can be quite expensive (I’ve seen estimates of up to $30,000), but I agree with you that this would empower a woman whose biological clock is ticking loudly.

To be fair (to me), this person’s therapist suggested living in the moment. My overall suggestion was to talk to her partner and (if he is in agreement) make plans and (possibly) a baby.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)