Ask Amy: Widower ponders the heartache of dating
Any advice?
– No Confidence
Dear No Confidence: I hope you would describe your emotions as more “heart-aching” than “heartbreaking.”
It is challenging to bounce back when you’ve been grazed by Cupid’s arrow. But matching and meeting is a bit of a numbers game, and the way back is to simply have more dating experiences – and to try to learn from all of them.
When I tried online dating (years ago) the most helpful advice I received – after my own near-misses – was to manage expectations until you meet your match in person, and to try to schedule an in-person meetup as soon as possible.
This means that once you and a prospective date establish your commonalities online, you refrain from overly emotional intimacies until you actually meet.
Your own previous dating experience showed you that when you met someone in person, sometimes you just didn’t feel a connection. It was not the other person’s fault, and it is not an indictment of their character, personality, or looks.
This feeling of connection is the mysterious work of pheromones, compatibility, the good timing.
The best way to protect yourself in the future is to not let your hopes soar until you experience a mutual in-person wow-wow-wow with someone. I hope it will happen for you.
Dear Amy: What does it mean when there is activity online from your partner to another person?
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