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Ask Amy: New moms are left lonely when family won’t fly

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

When I reach out to my sister, she gives me advice about how to deal with it. I know she means well, but she really has no idea what she is talking about.

Now that things have opened up due to vaccines, she has traveled to Hawaii and NYC, rather than coming to see me and tend to my grief.

I'm really hurt by her neglect and when I express this to her, she says that she will be there for me "when I get my anger under control.”

I want to have a relationship with her, but I don't think it should be all on me.

Any thoughts?

– Grieving

 

Dear Grieving: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your losses. To be widowed twice – and to lose your loved-one so suddenly of this merciless disease — I cannot even imagine.

I say feel your anger as much as you need to. Do not suppress it in order to appease your selfish sister. You should not feel forced to move through this world according to anyone else’s metric. Not now, anyway.

I urge you to find a grief group, either locally in-person, or virtually, and connect with others who can support and affirm your process.

There is a very active support group on Facebook for people who have lost loved-ones to COVID: “Covid-19 Loss Support for Family & Friends.” I hope you will join it. The participants are extremely honest and supportive of one another.

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