Ask Amy: Friends with benefits might have a love match

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on Jan 20, 2021

However, when you have just experienced a huge loss, the wisest thing to do is to … wait. If at all possible, you should wait several months to make any huge decisions. What you choose to do during these earlier days will help to set the course for the rest of your life.

For now, table your decision about disclosing this to your children. Remember that they are grieving, too. I believe that you will eventually want to tell them about this, but if you do this later, you will be much more intentional, calmer, and more emotionally available to help your children through their own reactions.

I urge you to seek grief counseling. Although hospice organizations offer grief groups, because your grief is complicated by betrayal, you should seek individual counseling. You would definitely benefit from disclosing this to a professional, and sorting through your own feelings of both loss and anger.

Dear Amy: My kids love my cooking and often give me gifts that support my hobby.

This Christmas, one son gave me a recently published cookbook. It is a niche gift, and I know he put a lot of thought into choosing it for me. While I was very happy with it, I had bought the book for myself about a month before.

What do you do in a situation where you get a gift of something you already own? Do you say thank you and not mention that you have that item already or do you tell them you do?

— Etiquette Challenged

Dear Challenged: In this case, I think you should tell your son, “Well, this shows that you really do ‘get’ me, because I had already purchased the same book, and I love it!

Would you mind if I returned it for a different cookbook? I’ll do so with you in mind and promise to make you a dish from it.”

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)