Ask Amy: Kindhearted husband has nagging problem
Paula said that she needed space. She thinks my daughter is disrespecting her (when she’s not).
Is it me? Is there someone else? Is it a trust issue?
She gets angry if I don’t call her, but I’m confused because when I call and text all the time she says I’m smothering her. When I don’t call and text all the time she says things like, “You must have someone else.” I’m like, “Huh, what? Like what do you want?”
She makes me cry and hurts my feelings, and she doesn’t seem to care.
What do you think is going on here?
— Hurt
Dear Hurt: Let’s review some of the things you love about “Paula.”
Is it the way she puts you down? The baseless accusations? Calling you “boring” and a liar? Criticizing your daughter — and you as a parent?
If your narrative is accurate, I’d say that Paula is an abusive girlfriend who is using your insecurity and the power deficit in your relationship to gaslight and control you. Keeping you consistently off-kilter is paralyzing you, thereby keeping you in place.
That’s what I think is going on. The question now is — what are you going to do about it?
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