Ask Amy: Grandparents struggle with COVID restrictions
-- Recovering in the Pacific NW
Dear Recovering: You should not have any in-person contact with these family members (or others) until you have fully recovered, and medical personnel have declared you free of (or definitively immune from) this virus. Yes, you could possibly become re-infected by outside contact -- as of this writing, there are some reports of people possibly having the illness more than once.
You could also continue to expose others.
Your son-in-law should not have violated your state's guidelines for sheltering and social distancing (hard to remain distant sharing a vehicle or a kayak), but the way I read this, you and your husband are both the source and the object of more acute concern because of your current health status.
Yes, you will all have to wait longer to see one another.
In terms of your son-in-law's behavior toward his family, I hope you will stay in very close touch with your daughter. Don't attack him, forcing her into a defensive crouch. Always convey that you are in her corner. If your son-in-law is as much of a hothead as it sounds, she will need your support.
Dear Amy: "Skied Out" described an unsatisfying ski vacation with cousins. I loved your description of how the guests had behaved while on this shared vacation: "They hit the four benchmarks of anti-social behavior: Stingy, entitled, complaining, and ungrateful."
When I'm in a similar situation, I experience resentment (defined as "pre-meditated expectations" in 12-step circles), as well as self-pity.
When younger, I would've stewed over my hurt feelings and the unfairness. Now, I look at my metaphorical side of the street, call it my "dress rehearsal," and determine what I'll do differently in the future. Practice, practice, practice.
I'm all about preventing regrets if it's possible. If that's not an option, I divide the regrets into "livable" or "unlivable." If it's unlivable, it's unlivable. Period. This gives me clarity, even if I must do something hard. If I can live with myself and the decision I make for the next day, month, year, etc., then it's livable.
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