Ask Amy: Woman wants partner to go under the knife
What should I do?
-- Not Planning on Pregnancy
Dear Planning: Underlying this birth control challenge might be questions about your relationship, as well as perhaps unexpressed feelings (on his part) surrounding the idea of possibly never having children.
A vasectomy is a surgical procedure that, while low risk (and surgically reversible in some cases), is considered permanent. In order for your boyfriend to participate in your plan, he would "donate" and store sperm, and then also have this surgery. Either of these things might cause anxiety in some men -- the idea of having both of these experiences might be paralyzing for him. His: "It will change me as a man" is a nonstarter -- but is indicative of how reluctant he is to make this commitment. He should communicate with other men who have had this procedure, to see what it is like!
You should both do additional research with medical sources (I am not one), and you should do this together -- and share and discuss your findings. Together.
Otherwise, you should investigate using an over-the-counter spermicide along with him using a condom. Every single time. This more-or-less balances the responsibility for birth control between the two of you.
Your other option is abstinence. You might force the conversation by exercising this 100 percent effective form of birth control until you two have come to a mutual decision that works for both.
Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while now -- long distance.
Things were going well, then he started not returning my calls or texts, and flat-out ignoring me.
Before we got together, he posted on his social media that he deals with anxiety and depression. We are in a long-distance relationship, so I can't go to him in person.
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