Ask Amy: Daughter from Dysfunction Junction ponders status
Recently, my mother "stalked" his Instagram page, and called me in a rage. She said that there "must be something wrong with him" to cover himself like that and that I "cannot" date him.
She said many judgmental words and disregarded my feelings. She said that she's terrified of what our family will think of him.
I am waiting for my older brother to say similar words.
Julian and I have been getting more serious.
I told her that she has to stop trying to control me, and to just accept it. However, I am still hurt and don't want to deal with more judgments.
What should I do?
-- Not Judging a Book by its Cover
Dear Not Judging: Your Italian-American family seems to be behaving in some stereotypical ways, but at your age and stage, it is well past time to differentiate from your family. Their unkind and overblown reaction to your guy's appearance reflects very poorly on them. How embarrassing (for them).
While I'm trafficking in stereotypes, maybe you can, too. Be like Cher's character in "Moonstruck". Tell them to "snap out of it!"
Dear Amy: "Anonymous Gran" wanted to acknowledge her new grandchild (her son, the baby's father, did not).
Your response was good, but as a retired family law attorney I suggest, before the relationship with the child develops, that she attempts to get paternity or DNA tests on the alleged grandchild. You never know paternity for sure until you have test results.
I had cases where grandparents later discovered "non-paternity" after they had a relationship with the child, and it was devastating.
-- Been There
Dear Been There: Good advice; thank you.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
