Ask Amy: Daughter from Dysfunction Junction ponders status
-- Distant Daughter
Dear Distant: You talk a lot about "fault" and "blame." If you and your mother want to develop an adult friendship, you are both going to have to learn to let go of some of your score-keeping.
Your mother is in therapy. She might be using her hurt feelings to try to manipulate you. But she also seems to be making a bid for connection.
Now it's your turn to decide whether you will accept the bid. The conversation you two might have will start the way friendships do -- slowly, haltingly, and through looking for commonalities instead of faults.
One opening bid from you might be to ask her about her therapy. Why is she there, what is she learning, what does she hope to accomplish, and what does she want from you?
Your friendship might be less "Gilmore Girls, and more "Housewives of Dysfunction Junction," but the way to open up to the possibilities is to talk, listen, and learn to disagree peacefully.
Dear Amy: I've been seeing "Julian" for a little over two months. We are both in our late 20s.
He is sweet, generous, owns a stable business, has multiple hobbies/passions, and is very honest with me about everything. All of my friends love him.
However, I am scared for him to eventually meet my conservative, Italian-American family. Julian is covered in tattoos.
A couple are always visible on the back of his neck. I like his tattoos. I don't consider this a red flag. His career is also blue collar.
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