ArcaMax

-- Bad Friend

Dear Bad Friend: I don't think you can actually understand how your friend might be feeling, but let me put it into some context by quoting from my ancient copy of Dr. Benjamin Spock's chapter on twins in his book, "Baby and Child Care." The chapter starts: "Get help!" (The 10th edition of this book, 2018, is published by Gallery Books).

Did you give birth to twins after a decade of a heartbreaking and hormonal roller coaster, followed by bank-breaking IVF? If you had, you might feel less aggrieved by your friend's complaining, and more concerned for her mental and emotional well-being.

Your friend is experiencing the real-world completion of the adage, "Be careful what you wish for..." Her venting makes you not want to pick up the phone. But you picking up the phone might be -- quite literally -- a lifeline for her.

Here's how to be supportive: "This is overwhelming. But have YOU had a checkup? Have you seen your doctor? In addition to everything you have to deal with, postpartum depression would make it all harder."

Online communities would be a very good resource for her. Reddit.com's parentsofmultiples is full of twin stories -- the good, the tough, and the yucky. Other parents of multiples will be very supportive and helpful, and this would give you a (well-deserved) break from her venting.

Dear Amy: I am a 70-year-old active woman who is semi-retired. I've been divorced for more than 20 years.

My adult children live out of state, and I have only a few social outlets.

I hate being alone and often feel lonely, even with work, volunteering, and seeing my one good friend.

I was excited to meet one older man at church but his entire conversation over brunch was about (you guessed it) sex. I was mortified. I haven't interacted with him again.

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