Ask Amy: Bank worker is instructed to 'flirt'
Should I get her a present?
-- Loving Aunt
Dear Aunt: I'm very sorry for this loss to your family. When people die by suicide, their death creates tremendous trauma, heartbreak, and relational challenges for survivors.
After your sister's death, your niece was left with one parent, who you describe as "horrible." She is only 21 years old, and she has already been through a lot.
I don't think this question is really about a wedding present. But to answer your question -- yes, you should definitely give her a gift.
Your gift to her could be something as simple as just getting in touch to say how happy you are to learn that she is getting married. The choice to start a family with a beloved person is a positive one for her, and this should be celebrated.
Express your desire to meet her significant other at some point in the future, and don't put any pressure on her regarding being invited to the wedding.
Extended family members can be important heroes to their younger family members -- especially when there is loss and grief in the picture. You may never know the extent of your positive influence on your niece, but you should continue to attempt to keep the relationship going.
Dear Amy: More feedback to "Seen it All" about how customer service personnel should handle irate clients. I was in customer service for over 30 years.
The abusive customer is well aware of their demeanor, and might have it well practiced.
The best way to get past the ire is to let the aggrieved customer have their say (rant), apologize, and then ask, "What would you like me to do?"
This approach reliably defuses the situation. The complainer is distracted and taken "off their script" in order to reconsider their demand.
-- Really Seen It All
Dear Really: I receive a lot of upset, irate, and (sometimes) abusive "feedback" to my work. I agree that how you receive this can transform the experience. People really do need to be heard. "What would you like me to do?" is the perfect response.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
