ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I work in a small cafe. We serve a lot of visitors from out of town, have a good reputation and good reviews online, and are often very busy.

Lately, I have been feeling anxious about going to work because we have received some very negative reviews on TripAdvisor over what are minor issues. We have also had customers openly yell at us.

My employer has stood behind the employees in every instance, but I cannot help feeling extreme guilt over some of these reviews (in which I was one of the servers involved).

There are days when I have trouble forcing a smile for someone being rude. I have feelings and am trying hard to make everyone happy and serve them quickly!

I have two questions for you: As a public figure who receives lots of feedback -- positive and negative -- how do you distance yourself from all the online negative feedback? No matter how many happy and polite customers I serve in real life, the angry ones online leave such a lasting impression.

My second question is about how to respond to obviously unhappy people. It seems to have become OK to yell at or berate a young person working part time for a minor mistake, or because it's busy.

How do I balance being a good server with standing up for myself as a human being?

-- Stressed Server

Dear Stressed: I receive a lot of online negativity, and I don't always handle it well. I try to take criticism constructively. I try -- always -- to be polite, and in many cases, people react well when I respond well.

I do not go out of my way to find reviews. I don't read through the hundreds of reviews of my books, or the thousands of comments posted underneath my column in the many outlets where it is published. Why? Because online commenters are most often talking to each other (which they have every right to do), and I have to get out of bed every morning and go back to my desk.

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