ArcaMax

When we are out together, young people often come up to us and say, "You guys are so cute" and, "You're so sharp," or "Look how adorable you are..." or many synonymous expressions.

I know these are compliments, but it doesn't feel that way. To me it's akin to telling an African-American person they are "well-spoken," or telling me that I "don't look Jewish."

I thank these people and tell them that I know they mean it as a compliment, but it doesn't feel that way.

Are we being too sensitive? Should we just smile and say thanks?

-- Adorable??

Dear Adorable??: The two examples you cite aren't patronizing as much as they are fundamentally racist, but otherwise ... what a cute question!

I'm making my own little joke, here, but I understand that you are trying to describe the particular annoyance of being condescended to by people who are half your age.

These young people think they are making your day by shining upon you a brief ray of their personal sunshine. Please understand that they do mean well. They are not deliberately trying to make you feel like cute little toddlers on the playground.

In response to these condescending compliments, you can give these people a knowing look and say, cryptically, "Well, aren't you sweet? We think of ourselves as mature and formidable, but it's so precious that you think we're adorable."

Dear Amy: "Pressured Parenthood," a hairstylist, said about her customers, "Often they worry their significant other will leave them if they don't have kids."

I agree with your endorsement of the statement that women shouldn't have children to please others.

In particular, who is to say how long the significant other would be around, if the couple is not married?

-- Chicago Reader

Dear Reader: .... Or even if they are married?

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)