ArcaMax

Dear Short Temper: Yes, you might be coping with some post-partum hormonal issues, but most parents with four children (including a new baby) would find themselves irritable with no other contributing factors. In your case, you have a major additional stress (your father-in-law's illness and your husband's reaction to it).

This sort of emotional chaos and challenge characterizes the hard work of being in a family. You and your husband don't have the luxury of only worrying about and taking care of your children. You have to take care of yourselves, and each other, as a team of two. Do teams occasionally lose? Do they have bad days? Yes! But a team still exits the locker room together, determined to support one another.

I have a two-word solution for you: Be gentle. Gentleness starts with the way you treat yourself.

Here's an example: You try to talk about how the baby has started teething. Your husband looks at you blankly and changes the subject. Or he tries to talk to you about his dad while you are nursing (or running around after your other children).

You react with irritation.

The first thing you should do is to take a breath, acknowledge your own behavior (irritation), and forgive yourself ("I'm a little overwhelmed right now").

You take responsibility, and then turn the page.

Once you forgive yourself, you can approach him with more patience and compassion. His freak-out likely spans generations (worrying about both his children and his parents). That's a lot to handle. Hold hands and do your best to face your challenges together.

Dear Amy: My husband and I are in our mid-70s.

We are in good shape, are intellectually active, and we're well-dressed.

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