Wife struggles to regain trust after betrayal
Dear Betrayed: You are not "crazy." You are feeling your feelings, and you have every right to your own authentic reaction to this betrayal.
Please, if you are having suicidal thoughts, it is vital that you reach out for help and counsel. You deserve compassionate and immediate help to get through this.
If you are in crisis, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255, or online chat with a counselor (suicidepreventionlifeline.org). The Crisis Text Line also provides lifesaving connection and support: Text 741741 to connect with a supportive counselor.
Your husband betrayed you and now he is attempting to gaslight you in order to escape from taking responsibility for causing this distress. Yes, of course you feel vulnerable and jealous. This is a direct and understandable consequence of his behavior.
If he is motivated to restore trust, I believe it is possible, but not without a commitment to heal -- and using professional help. You should do everything you need to do (talking to friends and family, writing, reading, and pursuing outside interests and hobbies) in order to cope with your daily emotional challenges. Even if your husband won't see a therapist, you should.
The best book I've ever encountered on working through a period of broken trust is: "Not 'Just Friends': Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity," by Shirley P. Glass (2004, Atria Books).
One essential wisdom conveyed is that in order to regain trust the offending partner (your husband) should have NO contact with the outside party. So your own instincts to ask him to discontinue all contact were 100 percent correct.
Dear Amy: My wife and I (in our 70s and healthy) are diligent in planning for our deaths.
We have our major assets in a trust, have wills, DPA's for health care and other matters, have paid for cremation, and have sent instructions to the survivor trustees.
We do not have children, but do have a large and close extended family of siblings, nieces, nephews, and many close friends living near and far. We have regular gatherings on both sides of the family and with friends.
...continued
