Mother in recovery struggles with amends
Any suggestions?
-- Don't Know How to Let Go
Dear Don't Know: Apologizing is a "call to action" for the other person. When you apologize, you are asking the person to forgive you, and to actively move on in a relationship with you.
Making amends is a personal call to action for YOU. You are the one who will work the change, regardless of the outcome.
What a sad, challenging childhood your daughter had! She likely faced the burden of not only trying to mother you, but to try to shield and protect her younger sister. And then when other girls her age had far lighter burdens, she had reached her limit and was out of the house.
You cannot undo the past. You can only treat her with loving kindness now.
You are doing that. You are also hoping to persuade or manipulate her into a fuller relationship with you.
You are doing what you need to do for your recovery. But what about her recovery? Being in a closer relationship with you might not be good or healthy for her.
You should continue to love her anyway, in the way that you are doing.
Her cordial and kind responses to you are evidence that she values your efforts, and that is something. It might have to be enough for you.
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