Mom's grave is going to need a larger stone
-- Wondering at Graveside
Dear Wondering: One important function of gravestones is for historical purposes. The cemetery where your mother is buried will have specific regulations regarding size and type of stone. You'll have to follow them.
Yes, I agree that marking the year of death could end up being very important for future reference. Many families have a larger family memorial stone with the family surname, and individual family members listed, with birth and death years noted. Smaller markers assigned to specific grave plots denote who is buried in that spot -- often with only their name (in my family, only first names are used for these markers).
When a marker says, "Beloved mother, grandmother, great-grandmother..." it is saying the deceased was beloved by her descendants, not the other way around. Noting who your mother knew and/or liked among her many descendants is not what a grave marker is for. Save that for your family's oral history.
The names of children, grandchildren, pets, etc., are generally not put on grave markers -- I assume for space reasons, but also because the marker is there to denote who is buried there, not the names of the descendants.
Yes, continue to advocate for your mother's wishes with your siblings. And yes, do picture her looking on with amusement.
Dear Amy: My niece (my older brother's daughter) is getting married in a few months. They are having a destination wedding.
I was surprised not to get an invitation.
My other brother and his family did receive an invitation (our parents have passed away).
When I asked my sister-in-law about this, she said that she told the bride not to bother with an invitation because I probably couldn't attend, and only people they thought could attend would get invitations.
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