ArcaMax

Dear Amy: Like many others who have written to you, my sister and I recently learned that we have a half-sibling (through DNA testing).

Our father cheated many times before Mom finally left him. The possibility of finding another sibling was very real.

What shocked us, however, was finding out that our brother's biological mom was 14 when she gave birth to him. Our father was 43 at the time. Apparently our father blackmailed her into having sex with him. She and her parents were neighbors, and she still lives nearby.

Our brother is 30 years old now. He found his bio mom five years ago. They have built a relationship. She is aware that he is in contact with us. Based on what our brother has told us, his bio mom loves him to pieces.

My sister and I wonder: Where do we go from here? Our father is dead and so we can't express our outrage to him (we didn't have much contact with him the past 20 years of his life because he was so awful).

I feel like I owe his bio mom an apology, but I'm not sure how she would feel about hearing from us. My sister, my mother, and I all believe her completely.

I want to express to her how sorry I am for everything that happened to her, but I'm not sure how to do this, or even if I should.

-- Lost

Dear Lost: DNA testing has thrown many families into flux because of the long-buried secrets it can reveal. Your family's story is especially challenging. You all sound like kind and compassionate people, and my main advice is to lead with that. You may make mistakes in your approach, but this is truly uncharted territory.

You should start by building a relationship with your half-brother. He is piecing his biological family together and you are part of a bigger picture for him.

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