Family worries about sister's fiance
Dear Amy: My sister has been dating "Bob" for 18 months. About six months into dating, Bob began to publicly display odd behavior, such as asking my father if he was going to be put into his will, or if he'd be given one of his cars.
This prompted a few family members (including myself) to look into this guy's history. We found out that he lied about his profession, was arrested but not convicted of rape in college (the girl wouldn't testify), and was involved in a private high school scandal in which he was kicked out of teaching for possession of child pornography (of students) in another city.
My wife and I used to let our young daughter hang out with my sister and him, but since then we've obviously cut out any visits.
We told my sister what we learned and despite the information she chose to believe him that all of it is just a misunderstanding. Of course, it's her right to make this choice.
Since this confrontation, other family members have had issues with this guy, including one time when he made sexual comments to a family member.
My sister and he are now getting married. My wife and I would prefer not to attend the wedding and don't want our daughter involved. It has caused significant drama within our family as my parents want us to attend to support my sister.
I believe she's making a mistake in marrying this guy. She is free to do as she pleases, but I just don't think that we need to be there to witness it.
What would you do?
-- Worried Brother
Dear Worried: Generally, I believe in holding one's nose and attending weddings in order to support the family member whose unfortunate judgment may require family solidarity and/or intervention down the road.
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