ArcaMax

Dear Amy: My husband and I recently celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. We decided to have a vow renewal. We decided to have our three children serve as best man, maid of honor and to have our oldest son walk me down the aisle.

We also included our grandchildren in the ceremony.

The celebration was enjoyed by all. However, on our way back home we received a call from our son that his wife was very upset that she had not been included in the "wedding" party, and she was crying because her feelings were hurt. She had also been drinking quite a bit of Champagne and I think she may be going through menopause, and so may have been more emotional than usual.

We were all quite upset about this, as we love her very much. This really ruined the event and now we wished we hadn't had this celebration since it hurt her feelings. Unfortunately, we didn't think about how it might feel to her to see her husband and children having pictures taken as part of the wedding party without her in them.

She wouldn't answer my call, so I sent a text apology, but she basically said this is something that we can never go back and fix.

I wish we would have thought about how this would feel for her, but now it's too late. Our other son and our daughter are not married so this was a non-issue for them. I ended up writing her a letter of apology and mailing it to her, but she hasn't responded, so I guess we have to live with this for the rest of our lives.

Your advice?

-- Upset

Dear Upset: Yes, being the lone family member left out of this official celebration must have been very upsetting for your daughter-in-law (but please, leave menopause out of it).

However, at this point you are all overreacting. You made a big mistake in overlooking her. You have taken responsibility and offered a heartfelt and sincere written apology.

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