Anniversary party leads to family wounds
She is an adult, and she should find a way to accept your apology and forgive you for this mistake. Often, these global family hurts are not only about one thing, but many other things. Your daughter-in-law might have unexpressed regrets or resentments regarding other aspects of your relationship. She might also be expressing resentment or feelings of loss about her own parents.
Continue to reach out generously and expansively. Ask if she wants to discuss this further. You know from your very lengthy marriage that families go through ups and downs. Ultimately, you will all have to move on.
Dear Amy: I live overseas and my mom is having knee replacement surgery this summer.
My family and I will be in the U.S. for a short period, but not anywhere near our families (it's a work and school trip visit).
My mom asked if I could fly in to help after her surgery to give my sister a break.
While I love Mom, the extra flights along with food and lost work wages would be a financial burden.
I know if I say no my sister will never forgive me, but I do not think they realize the burden it would be. Do I just take the hit?
-- Ungrateful Daughter?
Dear Ungrateful: I don't quite know what you mean by "taking the hit." But if you are presented with a choice between you taking a hit (financially) and your mother taking a hit in terms of her health and wellness after surgery, then yes, you should take the hit.
You live overseas. As someone who also lived overseas for many years, I understand that the trips home are rare and also tend to be both busy and expensive.
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