Wife learns she isn't named as husband's beneficiary
Sandra knows how fragile my daughter's health is and what lengths I have to go to every day to avoid bringing home germs that could make her gravely ill. Even a cold would likely require her to be hospitalized.
This Thanksgiving, when we arrived at Sandra's house, she greeted us by saying, "Don't get too close, I have a cold."
Shortly thereafter, her husband entered and announced how sick he was. Everyone glanced around uncomfortably.
I said, "Wouldn't you feel more comfortable in bed?" He responded that he didn't want to miss Thanksgiving dinner.
We stayed about an hour, socializing but trying to avoid contact with the hosts. When I saw the chairs crowded around the dining table, I realized that there was no way to avoid being in close contact with Sandra and her husband.
I knew in my gut that the risk was too high, so I quietly, politely and apologetically told Sandra that we had to leave, and why.
My husband says I should've made up a fake excuse, but, upon reflection, I wonder whether Sandra should've called me that morning to let me know that she and her husband were contagious, giving us a chance to bow out in advance.
-- Cold Carrier
Dear Carrier: You did the right thing by exiting politely, and by telling the truth regarding your reasons. Given the severity of what you are coping with, why should you make up a fake excuse?
Yes, "Sandra" should have called you in advance, giving you the option of making an informed choice about whether to attend. But understand that as the hosts of a large dinner, "Sandra" and her husband were likely distracted that morning, and might have simply forgotten the impact of their health on your family.
Dear Amy: I want to weigh in on whether friends and family should disclose knowledge of an affair to the affected spouse.
I went through this. After years of being cheated on, I discovered my husband's infidelity and we divorced. I felt quite betrayed that others knew and didn't tell me.
-- Recovered
Dear Recovered: I agree with disclosure, handled gently.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
