Fallout from man's double life with secret family
The way your relationship started (both of you in the midst of dissolving other relationships) may have created a pattern for how it is continuing. And yes, with every passing day, and more children, this deception grows more serious.
Rather than face the reality that his adolescent might be confused, hurt and angry to learn that Dad has a whole other family, he is doubling down on the secrecy. His cowardice is needlessly creating a crisis for all of you.
You are a coward, too. If you don't want your life, and your children's existence, to be a deep and dark secret, then own it. Give him a nonnegotiable deadline.
Find a relationship counselor, make an appointment and state your very reasonable case that you will not stay in the closet. Map out a plan for this disclosure. If he refuses, you should reconsider staying in the relationship. This is not emotionally healthy for any of you.
Dear Amy: My brother-in-law is divorced with two daughters. His daughters live in one city with their mother, and he recently moved back to the West Coast to live with his fiancée, who has two teenage daughters from a previous marriage.
Last Christmas, my brother-in-law gave my sons gift cards, same as he has done for several years, but this time signed it from his daughters AND his fiancée's daughters.
I assume he will do the same this year.
Are we obligated to send gifts for his fiancée's daughters? We only see them once or twice every few years.
-- To Gift or Not to Gift, Los Angeles, California
Dear Gift or Not: Welcome to the "gifting" season.
...continued
