Husband is spinning fiction at writers' workshop
-- K
Dear K: Sometimes, couples on the fence about having children become parents when nature takes over. Unplanned pregnancies definitely result in family-building.
But overall, the choice to have children doesn't seem like one choice but many choices made over time, and fueled by different motivations. Some people seem headed toward parenthood from the time they are young children. For others, forming a loving attachment with a partner seems to kick-start their desire to have a child with that person.
Other people don't want to have children, until the day they wake up and suddenly do.
The worst reasons to have children are to get your parents off your back, or because your friends are doing it.
When I was contemplating this in my own life, a wise person told me: "Be absolutely certain that this is what you want, because what no one ever tells you is that parenthood doesn't always work out (for the parents)."
The person telling me this, wryly, was my own mother. But I appreciated the heads-up, because -- yes, parenthood is difficult, tiring and expensive.
But it has also been the hardest job I have ever loved.
Dear Amy: I appreciated the question from "Confused Only Child," who was wondering how to be a good aunt.
You said "Fake it 'til you make it." I actually agree! It's really impossible to know how to have these relationships until you try. And sometimes you make it up as you go along.
-- Proud Uncle
Dear Uncle: Exactly.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
