Was grandparents' choice to have girls' hair cut off racist?
Dear Dad: Yep, your folks also seem fairly racist to me, too.
Granted, grandparents have undermined their grown children and disrespected their grandchildren in this way from time immemorial, but that doesn't make it right.
What makes this act racist is the extra context they've thrown in, just to make sure you know that they don't see your children as quite "normal," and that their long, dark hair is strange and unmanageable.
Hair is important to all children. But hair has a special importance to children of color. In many cultures, basically -- if you mess with a girl's hair, you'll be answering to her mother.
Your wife showed amazing restraint, but I wonder why she was so silent. She is not a second-class citizen. She is the mother of these children, and she has a voice and a right to use it.
Your folks' attitude, statements and behavior toward your daughters puts them in the category of, "With grandparents like these, who needs incompetent jerks?"
On top of other, more important, matters -- if your parents can't manage to help groom their granddaughters for a total of two days, then they aren't equipped (or able, or willing) to take care of small humans.
I also assume your folks could have returned their grandkids after a weekend looking like they were raised by wolves and that wouldn't have mattered, as long as everyone had fun and felt well-loved.
I don't necessarily recommend total estrangement, but I do recommend distance. It is a natural consequence of their actions and attitude.
Dear Amy: I have been married for a long time. My husband is a great guy. He's a hard worker, considerate and a wonderful father.
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