Bitter child torn about confronting father
One reason to engage in fence-mending is to restore the relationship to the degree where you can (at least) express your own anger, with the hopes of receiving an apology -- or at least an explanation. A therapist could help you to cope with your feelings, and might also offer a pathway to reconciliation.
Revenge is easier than reconciliation, but revenge might not be best for you.
Dear Amy: I am married to a kind, wonderful, intelligent man from another country. We go to his home country to visit family at least once a year.
They make me feel very welcome, but soon end up reverting to their native language, which I do not understand at all, for most conversations.
It makes me feel left out and ignored. I have voiced my feelings (many times) to my husband. While I understand that this can be habitual because it is, of course, their first language, it hurts my feelings to be sitting in a room full of people -- ALL of whom speak English perfectly -- and be purposely left out, even when sitting right next to my husband.
I have asked repeatedly that he speak English while I am present, but it doesn't end up that way.
I find it to be extremely rude and hurtful. This is the only conflict we have.
As a result, I am now dreading another visit, and am actually thinking of having him travel alone this time. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this?
-- Left Out
Dear Left Out: It is understandable for people to speak their native language when they are in their home country and talking with other native speakers. You do this every single day. How did your husband cope with this alienation? He learned English!
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