Woman is looking for love in all the wrong places
-- Had It
Dear Had It: I'm trying to see the connection between your father's death and your husband's verbal abuse. Perhaps the removal of a symbolic (or actual) authority figure from your life triggered this domineering and disrespectful behavior from your husband.
Now, you need to be your own authority.
Unless your husband's illness has affected his behavior or cognition, I don't see why you should continue to give him "leeway" when he tells you to shut up or calls you "stupid."
It is a sad fact that over a decade of this treatment has left you feeling inadequate, when in reality this is revealing your husband's inadequacy and insecurity.
You should start demonstrating that this behavior is unacceptable. When your husband does this, do not engage him or attempt to argue the topic. Stay calm and say something like, "This language is demeaning; it is unacceptable. You need to find a better way to talk to me." And then remove yourself from his presence. Do not tolerate this from your children. Verbally abusing you harms you and them.
Dear Amy: "What May I Say?" was wondering how to describe her ex-husband's philandering to friends.
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I have a girlfriend that was married for 30 years to a guy like that.
When she finally left him, I asked, "What took you so long?" She burst out laughing and replied "OMG! That's what EVERYONE is asking me!"
Trust me, no one will be surprised. Everyone already knows.
-- Connecticut Reader
Dear Reader: I suspect you are right.
(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: firstname.lastname@example.org. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, Texas, 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)