Life Advice

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Health & Spirit

Woman is looking for love in all the wrong places

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Flailing around on various matching sites will not yield anything different until you make some real and solid personal changes.

The trick here is to stop looking for a period of time, and make a commitment to work on yourself. You should examine your childhood, your parents' relationship, your typical dynamic in friendships and look for patterns that you can consciously disrupt and improve. Meeting with a counselor might help.

Remember that the first and most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. If you learn to love that person in the mirror, you'll be less lonely, judgmental and cranky.

You should also work on forming and keeping female friendships. Friends will help you to navigate these challenging passages; they will introduce you to people, prop you up and tell you honestly when you are being a jerk.

You need to learn to live your life as if you will not find a forever-partner. Develop your professional skills, and commit to finding good work. Dive into the real world. Join organizations, and find opportunities to give generously of yourself.

Dear Amy: My husband has cancer, so I'm trying to give him some leeway when he calls me "stupid" and tells me to "shut up." He didn't start doing this until after my dad died, about 12 years ago.

I guess it's my fault for letting him get away with it for all these years.

Our children are now parroting his comments. I'm ashamed of myself for allowing this to happen.

When I ask my husband not to call me stupid, especially in front of our kids, he says he only does it when I act stupid.

I have a very good job where I am given a lot of responsibility and respect. I can't believe my husband thinks this is OK. He makes me feel so inadequate.

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