Family gatherings don't tempt one sibling
Dear Youngest: You state that you don't want to get together with family because you don't know them. But you don't know them (partly) because you don't get together with them. This now extends to the next generation.
It is your right not to see family members. You shouldn't blame them for trying to get to know you and for including you, however.
There is no reason to pretend that you are a big happy family, but seeing people every few years might answer questions, resolve issues, and basically create connection.
Do not speak for your children. They might be interested in meeting their cousins, and might benefit from doing so.
The way to respond to a polite invitation is to thank the person for inviting you, adding, "I'm sorry I won't be able to come. I hope you have a wonderful time."
Dear Amy: I just got engaged to a wonderful woman. When it comes to choosing groomsmen, I have six spots to fill with seven people to fill them with.
I'm torn between including a buddy I'm currently closer with vs. a loyal friend who I've known for a while but who lives on the West Coast. The wedding will be in the Midwest.
I've made the choice to go with the buddy I'm currently closer to, but how do I handle my other friend, who might have some expectation of being asked? Do I just invite him to the wedding as a guest, or do I address the issue with him?
-- Almost Groom
Dear Almost: There is one category of wedding guest never highlighted in the etiquette books: "Almost-attendants." You can spot these passed-over bridesmaids and groomsmen by their taffeta-free outfits, carefree attitudes, and overall look of sheer relief.
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