Pay Attention, All States, to This Comprehensive List of Florida's Freedoms


Open daily news, cue cartoon eyeballs and "awooga" noise, but not in the sexy way. There, now you know the sensation of trying to keep up with the whiplash of proposals in Florida, a state that governor and likely presidential candidate Ron DeSantis has said is "serving strongly as freedom's linchpin."

Yes, very free! Pay attention, other states, for you, too, could have all this. Florida is becoming a presidential marketing manual, a model home decked out in builder-grade beige tile and gray vinyl plank flooring (65,758 square miles, heated). Could you see yourself living on this anxious, liberty-drunk peninsula for the foreseeable future? You, too, could wake up each day in the sweet stomach acid haze of vague constitutional legalese and despondent headlines.

So much freedom has been going on lately that following along can feel overwhelming. How to keep track of the many freedoms? Making lists helps, like carrying a notepad around the grocery store so you don't forget the $12 eggs.

Let's jot down some recent and potential forthcoming things we are free from:

Books. Specifically, books that make students feel uncomfortable in any way, so that their parents need never endure a more complicated discussion than "tendies or nuggies?"

AP African American History.


Small liberal arts colleges with a mathematical symbol for a mascot.

Diversity, equity and inclusion programs at universities and fairness and diversity courses for judges.

Tenure for college professors with too many suede elbow patches, a bad sign.

Privacy for menstruating high school athletes or public university students seeking gender-affirming care.


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