ArcaMax

You have a good job.

It's satisfying work. It pays well. But is it sexy?

Most people don't think of their jobs in terms of sex appeal. Maybe that's because most jobs don't have a lot of sex appeal. It's true, I'm afraid. Strip away gigs like major movie star or tortured rock diva and you're left with a bunch of professions that are not going to get many people hot and bothered.

Or are you?

Recent research from the college-matching website, educationconnection.com, suggests there are specific careers that do make hearts flutter. As you won't be surprised to learn, the heart-throb careers that appeal to women and men are not the same.

For men, the sexiest professions are nursing and teaching, specifically middle school. (Don't ask me why. Must have something to do with pre-algebra -- hot!) Following up on the swipe-right list for men are flight attendant, waitress, bartender, lawyer and secretary. For women, the most desirable careers are firefighter, lawyer and doctor, followed by police officer, entrepreneur, pilot and engineer.

(When focusing on Tinder, note that lawyer is No. 2 for women swiping right, and No. 6 for men. Obviously, women appreciate the intelligence and earning capacity of a lawyer and will consider dating one, assuming they can't get a firefighter. Men are also open to dating a lawyer, but only after they've been turned down by every waitress and bartender in town.)

While looking at sexy careers is interesting, I couldn't find data that breaks down the sexiness of specific corporate positions. Some jobs are inherently sexy, as anyone who has ever swooned over a gastroenterologist can tell you, but when you're fantasizing about the org chart, it's not simply the position that makes a job sexy. It's the attitude. Like the way swagger when you walk into a meeting, nibbling on a shelf-stable beef stick, a bulging power point in your pocket.

Ready to light a fire under your title? Let's take a look at a number of departments and see who's hot and who's not.

Human Resources -- Smokin' Hot

Members of the Human Resources department rub up against the workforce in the most intimate matters, like scheduling romantic vacations and explaining why company insurance won't pay for treating STDs. Surprisingly, HR employees have the reputation of being drab and unexciting. It's a persona the employees take on with enthusiasm, probably as camouflage to protect their overheated libidos and X-rated filing cabinets full of resume porn. Scratch the surface of their cool exteriors and the true sexiness of the bad boys and wild women of HR is undeniable. These people are scorchers and simply too hot to handle.

IT -- Playing It Cool, but Totally Hot

Lurking in the shadows makes the IT department a true "hot bed" of sensuality where pornographic documents like IT Service Request Forms and Software Change Request Forms are fetishized and, at the same time, totally ignored.

Accounting -- Welcome to the Passion Pit

If you can spell BDSM, you can grok the highly sexualized personalities behind the green eyeshade types who work in Finance. Tying up budgets and demanding submission on hiring creates a hotbed of desire, giving the shameless inhabitants of this numbers cult the power to dominate the entire organization.

Marketing -- Cold, Cold, Cold

Technology has poured ice-water on the sexually-charged world of "Mad Men." Creativity and imagination have been replaced by the numbest of number-counters who get hot and bothered by algorithms and little else. A certain level of sexual frisson may still adhere to a gig in Marketing, but for most of us, it's a major turn-off.

Sales -- Not Tonight, Darling

"Sorry, I've got a headache" is the universal response these days to the words of seduction used by the sex servants in the Sales department. It's not that customers don't want to buy your products; they simply don't have any money. The Don Juans and Don Janes of Sales can use all their charms to the max. It's still a "No."

C-Suite -- Size Matters

What's a nice CEO like you doing in a yacht like this? This is difficult for business executives to acknowledge, but If your yacht doesn't measure over 400 feet, it doesn't matter that you have a penthouse on Central Park and a private Boeing 747 and a bunker in New Zealand. You might be rich, but you're just not sexy. (Note to CEO Mark Zuckerberg: all it would take is enhancing your yacht by 17 feet and you could be as sexy as Jeff Bezos.)

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Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at info@creators.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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