Are you excited for America’s grads?
Tyrades! by Danny Tyree
“It’s been a long road / Gettin’ from there to here…”
Yes, some of us with students in our lives have had “Faith of the Heart,” while others have had “Faith of the Administration Continuing to Force Dubious Students Through the Pipeline”; but it all ends in the same milestone: graduation.
(“Through the pipleline? I suspect I’m being dissed. Don’t talk down to me. I can put two and two together. Well, not without a calculator and a tutor, but…”)
Whether your relatives and neighbors are transitioning from kindergarten, high school, trade school or college, it’s time to give them a heartfelt congratulations. Gift cards are nice, too. (“The future beckons us…as does that new guitar!”)
All across this great land, misty-eyed well-wishers are sitting in the auditorium, reminiscing about when their grad first learned to walk and wondering, “Where did the time go?” At least the onlookers can do their wondering free of charge. The grad with the doctorate in Interpretive Underwater Post-Modern Moisture-Wicking Philosophy ran up $85,000 worth of student loans to ponder such questions.
(Thankfully, our son Gideon did not go into debt to obtain his Master of Science in Engineering Supervision degree from my old alma mater this month. Yes, at the tender age of 22, he’s closing a major chapter of his life – while I’m still wandering aimlessly through the table of contents. All I know about “advanced degrees” comes from getting into hot water with the auditor.)
Let’s applaud the graduates on their thirst for knowledge and dedicated journey of self-discovery. (Actually, some of them were discovered by their roommates, under a toppled tower of textbooks, after pulling an all-night cram session. Tomato, to-mah-to.)
Not only do the grads have the moral support of parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, but the school faculty and administration are cheering them on as well. (“We’ve seen your ambition and dedication. We know you’ll go far in life – but not so far that you can’t be reached by an alumni fundraising letter! It’s probably already in your mailbox. Hot wings can wait. We need a new library wing!”)
Thanks to internships, networking and a handful of promising fields, some grads have their career track all figured out before they don the cap and gown.Others, however, feel more like they’re tied to the track by Snidely Whiplash. (“Maybe I should have minored in moustache-twirling instead!”)
Yes, this is a precarious time to be entering the labor force, because of AI, the uncertainties of the Iran conflict, federal government belt-tightening and an unusual number of older employees holding onto their positions for dear life.
Take good ol’ Ed over there. He was around before the Personnel Department became HR. He was around before the Personnel Department existed. Heck, he was probably around to exclaim the politically incorrect, “Hey, wonder if I can form a woman out of MY rib???”
It may take a while, but I’m confident that the latest graduates will become integral parts of their professions. I have good vibes about our future lawyers, bankers, biologists, journalists, historians, architects, programmers, thespians and social workers.
Of course, there are always exceptions.
“Just relax. The right amount of anesthesia will have you knocked out in two shakes of a lamb’s tail. One…um, don’t tell me – I’ve got this. Hey, why are you fainting before I even start the anesthetic?”
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Copyright 2026 Danny Tyree, distributed by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.
Danny Tyree welcomes email responses at tyreetyrades@aol.com and visits to his Facebook fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades.”
Copyright 2026 Danny Tyree, All Rights Reserved. Credit: Cagle.com
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