Ready for history’s Valentine hall of shame?
P.T. Barnum, who proclaimed, “There’s a younger trophy wife born every minute.”
Painter Salvador Dali, who made the excuse, “Sorry I’m late for our date, but have you seen this piece of crap watch that some guy on the corner sold me?”
George Washington, who beamed, “I cannot tell a lie. That dress does make you look fat. Whoa – put down that hatchet!”
Leonardo da Vinci, who delivered the regrettable greeting, “Enigmatic smile – or just gas? Let me guess! Let me guess!”
Pres. Herbert Hoover, who bullied, “There! A chicken in every pot! Now start cooking, woman!”
Winston Churchill, who proclaimed, “I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. So, if you’re looking for a bouquet, you’re up the Thames without a paddle.”
Marc Antony, who explained, “Friends. Romans. Countrymen. I could have sworn I told you that all of them are tagging along on our date.”
The captain of the Titanic, who snapped, “Putting the toilet seat down? Yes, I prioritize that right after rearranging the deck chairs.”
Russian tsar Peter the Great, who reminded his date, “I’m Peter the Great and you’re Arm Candy the Adequate.”
Physicist Erwin Schrodinger, who told his significant other, “The chocolates in this box – I have both saved them just for you AND eaten them all. Gimme a quantum kiss.”
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