Informant Leaks Minutes of Swift-Kelce Committee Meeting
COMMITTEE MEMBER BILL GATES: Doing great, boss. But there was a little pushback after Kelce was in a vaccine commercial. A Fox News savant named Jesse Watters, who looks disturbingly like Sam the Eagle wearing stage makeup, featured it in a segment on his show titled, 'Is Taylor Swift a Pentagon asset?' Don't worry, though, Watters was so worried about lawsuits that he outright said in the episode that he had absolutely no evidence of it being true.
CIARA CIA HANDLER: Close one!
RUSSELL WILSON CIA HANDLER: Phew!
SOROS: Thanks for being on top of that, Bill. Sounds like we're about ready to go with Operation Stupor Bowl. Anything else before we break?
JESSICA SIMPSON CIA HANDLER: Boss, any chance we can get a reunion in this arc?
TONY ROMO CIA HANDLER: (Holding up a sheaf of typewritten pages.) Yeah, we have a whole backstory ready on how our assets get back together.
SOROS: Unnecessary. We're flying under the radar, and I don't want to push it.
COMMITTEE SERGEANT-AT-ARMS HILLARY CLINTON: (Entering the meeting.) Sorry I'm late, but I brought pizza. Who wants some?
SOROS: Hillary, we've talked about this. You can't keep feeding into this Pizzagate thing.
CLINTON: Only a moron would believe those conspiracy theories.
MIKE LINDELL, TEARING OFF HIS DISGUISE AS A CIA JANITOR: I knew it!
CLINTON: I rest my case.
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