Informant Leaks Minutes of Swift-Kelce Committee Meeting

on Feb 10, 2024

SOROS: OK, well, you know what I mean. The Chiefs aren't very good.

KELCE HANDLER: They've been to the championship four times in the last five years.

SOROS: Does anyone ever tell you you're really annoying?

TAYLOR SWIFT CIA HANDLER: I have.

SOROS: Anyway, as I was saying, after the Chiefs win and Kelce tears off his jersey to reveal a "BIDEN 2024" T-shirt, he will get down on one knee at the 50-yard line and propose to Swift, offering her a conflict-rich diamond-and-emerald engagement ring provided by one of our committee members. Thanks for that, by the way!

COMMITTEE TREASURER ELON MUSK: Sorry, you said something? I missed it. Too busy Xing.

SOROS: Elon, you're never going to make X happen. Why don't you just change the name back to Twitter?

MUSK: Sure. When the Cybertruck becomes the bestselling vehicle in the world.

ALL: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

SOROS: (Wiping tears from his eyes) Good one, Elon. Anyway, after the big reveal, phase two starts, in which we activate the microchips in the COVID vaccines we injected into people, ostensibly to deal with a virus that has always been mostly harmless to the many Americans who aren't senior citizens, disabled, sick, overweight, diabetic, hospitalized, on chemo or otherwise suffering from any preexisting physical or mental health condition. Can we get a status report on that?

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