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Single File: Support System

Susan Dietz on

DEAR SUSAN: Face it. Being singular is a trip. It's not necessarily exotic; it's not always fun. But when you take Susan's advice and strengthen your singleness with savvy people willing to supply you with the information or services you need -- when you need it -- single life gets much easier. And things go much more smoothly, the way they should in a carefully planned life. I'm starting to sound like Susan's press agent, so I'll sign off now. But I'm speaking from my own experience when I say her advice is worth a listen.

DEAR BLOGGER: I know the impact of my words, because I've lived each one, with my experiences as a single woman and single mom. These experiences brought me from confusion and passivity to the security of knowing I can -- with a strong support system behind me -- make my most personal dreams reality. That support system becomes a pillar of strength as you whittle down the negatives of singleness and build on its positives. Yes, I've lived my message, so I can bring it to you with total conviction: YOU alone can make your life the way you want it to be. (Please read that again, for emphasis) And you know me better than to think I'm talking magic wands and potions. Not at all. Getting what you want from your life is a daily process of making choices based on your life plan. (Ahem.) So choose your support system carefully, speaking to each person honestly, asking how their expertise can mesh with your needs -- bank officer, physician, attorney, insurance agent, pizza delivery person and so on. Get a pen and begin now making your list of necessary people and services. The basic support, of course, comes from your family, your friends, your BFF, your spiritual leader. Organize this single file your way, to suit your needs. (It's a perfect project for a rainy day, a creepy mood, a slow weekend.) Any doubts or questions? I'm here.

DEAR SUSAN: You seem to endorse slow courtship. Why?

DEAR BLOGGER: So much to say and so little newsprint! Well, for starters, authenticity. Lovers on the slow track give each other the time it takes to be who they really are. It takes time to open up, to bare the real person beneath those defenses necessary for survival. Time -- and shared experiences -- allow authenticity. Seeing each other annoyed, angry, serious adds up to a larger picture of your love, and whatever that is, it's a good thing. There's really no reason for rushing this thing called love; think about it. What makes lovers impatient, testy? Is it really a good thing to rush into the biggest decision of your life? I think not. My thinking is if it's a good thing, it will only get better; if not, well, the faults will be glaring -- and another divorce will be dead on arrival. Masks slip with time; it just isn't possible to play another identity and hide yours for very long. And when you think of it, why bother? Why take all that time and go to all that effort to play a part you're not meant for? (Sigh.)

 

Imagine the false reactions, the emotions you must falsify to be the person you're not. And sooner or later, truth must out, whether at a family gathering, a school event, a domestic quarrel. Sooner or later, the real person is bared, to much pain and regret. No, my friend; slowness is the winning way -- in many things, actually, not merely in romance. Think about it.

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We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks -- in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.

 

 

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