ArcaMax

DEAR SUSAN: Want to know what hell is? Hell is when your blind date shows up and your mother can barely croak your name when she calls you, as she's almost doubled up with laughter. Picture a man who is 7 feet tall and wearing a raincoat loosely belted -- under his armpits! Tall is OK, I guess, but a head the size of a walnut was a real shocker. And it wasn't just my imagination! When we were sitting in the restaurant, the waitress came by, looked at him, looked at me, patted my arm and said, "I'm so sorry."

Hell is when you're on your first date with a guy and he announces he has just $10 for the evening.

Hell is when a blind date (who has the annoying habit of sticking out his tongue at regularly timed intervals) asks whether it would be OK with you if he were to date your sister.

Hell is when your blind date (you probably thought I would have given up on them by now) turns white as a sheet when he first sees you. He doesn't say more than three words during dinner, and you're back home in less than an hour. (Oops, who knew I was a dead ringer for his deceased wife?!)

Hell is when your date for a friend's wedding spends most of the evening gazing adoringly at a photograph he keeps securely in his wallet, the picture of a girl he says he plans to marry someday. Aside from the clear insult of his obsessing over another woman while he's with you, it turns out he's not currently dating her. In fact, she's not even someone he dated in the recent past. The truth, it turns out, is she's someone he dated twice two years ago and hasn't spoken to since. It was one thing for him to tell you the sad tale, but when he begins relating it to a total stranger who just happens to be sitting at the same table, well, you do feel a bit uncomfortable!

I wish you and your readers better luck in dating than I have had. As for me, I'll continue to teeter on the fine line between dating and sanity. -- Mariah

DEAR MARIAH: While you're recuperating from the rigors of dating, consider taking a look at what else singleness offers. There must be more to it than random dating. And right now, while you're between "heartthrobs," is the perfect time to explore the what-else of it. Ask yourself what interests you, what parts of life ring your bell -- hobbies, activities and so on. (Don't be shy; this is between you and you.) Sign up to observe a golf class, a dance class, a reading group, a yoga class. Maybe it's less of a jump if at first you're just an observer of the groups; signing up can come later. You might meet someone in the group who seems welcoming and sits with you awhile to answer your questions. (I suggest you "interview" a few members of different groups before signing up, to get the flavor of their activity.) Thing is, you're on your way to a whole different life, with people you'd never meet by seeing new people only as potential dates. Looking at it that way seems limiting now, agreed? I'll be listening and watching always, so write in. Godspeed.

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