ArcaMax

Some misguided women believe that putting down the males of our species makes them look better, stronger, more independent. Well, ladies, if it takes one of your own gender to blow the whistle on this gem of mindlessness, consider yours truly the ideal candidate. (Deep bow from the waist.) I've been dumped, stood up and lied to, yet I have known bliss with male partners who were secure enough to reveal their craving for a soft touch. But enough about me. What's your story? Why the anti-male offensive? Whatever the tale you're about to relate, before you spill the beans, please read the following -- with an open mind:

Are you angry at men? Do you find yourself using the cause of feminism to cover your basic antagonism toward men? Was your father reluctant to show you his love/emotional support? Did your elder brother leave you out of things? Was he the preferred child in your family? Were you badly burned by a teenage crush? Do men usually make you feel like a sex object? Do they make you feel inadequate as a person? Do men make promises they fail to keep? Did you see your father hurt your mother physically or emotionally? Does she often complain to you about your father or about men in general? Has a man abused you in any way?

I've got more questions for you, but for the sake of brevity, let's assume you are like most of us women and have tapped into some residual resentment of men. (Surprised at its depth, eh?) In these times of gender liberation, you are quite free to know the other gender not as dates or sex objects but -- gasp -- as fellow human beings. This may seem somewhat revolutionary, but befriending a member of the other gender could well be the most fun you've had in years. Getting close to a man as a friend -- nothing more, nothing less -- is sure to show you that he is also vulnerable, he also has emotional needs (unmet), he also is at sea about what the other gender really wants, and he also is totally bewildered by what members of the other gender say are their emotional needs.

A partial listing of men's confusions about us: Why are women so easily offended, so easily set off, like a time bomb? What do women really want (as opposed to what they say they want)? Why don't they realize that men are also stuck in routine jobs they hate? Why don't they realize that some men would love to stay home and be full-time dads? Why don't they realize that men are not so tightly connected to our feelings as they are and are reluctant to admit fears and insecurities because of the macho garbage they've been fed?

The truth is, sisters, you can stop (or at least slow down) bristling at men. While you've been digesting these words, you've probably begun to realize that men don't have the great advantage you believed. Up close and personal, their lives have many of the same or similar rough patches as ours do, without the huge pluses of being female -- namely, our uncanny intuition, our ability to gestate and give succor, our power of healing, our linkage to life itself. For a wonderfully clear picture of being male these days, read Warren Farrell's terrific book "Why Men Are the Way They Are." And the next time you're in the company of women who seem to enjoy putting down men, tell them that only losers blame men for their lousy lives. Then leave the room, smiling.

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Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks -- in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.