Ask Amy: Job shopper asks for frequent references
In referring her to old colleagues and friends, am I messing up my own reputation when these situations don’t work out for whatever reason?
With so many failures after my recommendations are given, maybe I’m not the right person to be providing references.
What do you think I should do?
– Stunningly Good References — NOT!
Dear Good References: If all “Liz” has to do to get a great reference from you is to supply your phone number and then shoot you a text, then you sound like the perfect mark.
You have been extremely generous in assisting this person, but at this point you are devaluing your own personal and professional currency when your own experience with her is ancient and yet you continue to recommend her for jobs when you know (by now) that – based on her extensive track record – she will not succeed.
When you receive the next text from Liz, you could reply: “I’ve provided many references for you over the years, but my work experience with you was so brief and so long ago that I am no longer able to provide any kind of helpful reference. Please don’t supply my phone number to any more potential employers.”
Dear Amy: I’m so upset. I’ve been married to my wife for seven years. I have loved our life and thought we were both fulfilled and happy.
Lately she’s been a little distant, but I assumed that work or family issues with her big extended family were stressing her out.
Last night she dropped a bombshell. She asked me how I would feel about “opening up our marriage.”
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