Ask Amy: Trust issues interfere with married roommates
The fear of being alone keeps me here.
I do know that the times when he's out of the house, I am a lot happier.
Friends have told me they’ve noticed this.
I wonder what to do.
– Lonely But Not Lonely
Dear Lonely: You say you and your husband are roommates, but many roommates have more honest and intimate relationships than you two seem to have, because, if they’re friends, roommates tell each other their stories.
If you truly know what a therapist will tell you, then you could save yourself a co-pay and be your own therapist – deeply exploring your behavior and motivations and doing the hard work and truth-telling in order to get closer to the peace and happiness you seek.
A good therapist can also help you to break up peacefully.
You seem to be mainly reactive – responding to your husband’s infidelity by revenge-cheating, and reacting to your uncertainty and lack of trust by keeping him at arm’s length.
You and your husband should have an honest conversation, starting with these questions: Do we want to stay together? If so, how are we going to change in order to be together?
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