Ask Amy: Family wants to avoid in-laws’ drinking
We would only reconsider reconciliation if his brother was to receive treatment and be in recovery.
My husband and I have been in therapy for years working through his childhood trauma.
The family issues run deep, and he does feel lucky to have space to grow into his own person and not be enmeshed like his siblings.
My in-laws have an air about them that we are wrong and keeping the family apart, which is very hurtful to us and their granddaughters.
Why can’t they realize the importance of having an individual relationship with our family?
– Frustrated in NY
Dear Frustrated: Despite your evident and understandable frustration, the tone and content of your question reveals a strong desire to control your in-laws – to get all of them to recognize the impact of your brother-in-law’s drinking, to pull them around to accepting your perspective, and even to convince them to have “an individual relationship” with your family.
You also seem to resent the fact that they continue to invite and include you in their family events, even though you don’t want to attend.
You have made your own choices – according to your own family values and preferences.
They are doing the same.
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