Ask Amy: Conversations about Down syndrome feel awkward
Your thoughts?
– Tongue-tied in Denver
Dear Tongue-tied: Although one of my favorite family members was born with Down syndrome, I approach your question with an awareness that is far less intimate than yours.
And just as you and I are likely very different from one another, no two neurodivergent people are alike, either.
You should ask yourself what you are looking for in a response from other neurotypical people.
Would you like them to say, “Oh, that’s interesting,” ask about your grandson’s schooling, or ask, “What’s that like for you?”
My overall point is that if someone I’m meeting for the first time tells me that their grandchild has curly red hair, is a musical prodigy, (or rides horses, or is hiking the Appalachian Trail), I’m most likely to assume that same darting eye look, because without further context, a specific response doesn’t necessarily spring to mind.
Not knowing what to say doesn’t always mean that people are uncomfortable. Sometimes it simply means that they’re processing a statement with no relatable context attached.
If you love someone with Down syndrome (as I do), you will be drawn to others with Down. In that case, you should communicate your own friendliness directly to that person, and if they have family members or friends with them, you can gauge their willingness to interact with you by being open about your own family members.
Dear Amy: My boyfriend of four years (we live together) doesn't know when my birthday is and can't understand why he should even care about it. He quips, "Sometimes I don't even know my own birthday."
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