Ask Amy: In-home caregiver may care too much
I didn't say anything to this back-handed comment, but I'm fuming!
Darla is good with my son, and if I fired her it would take months to find a replacement.
How can I keep her on, but put her attitude in check?
– Curious Mom
Dear Mom: Your concerns are related to boundaries and communication. “Darla” might have come to your home from working with other clients who have a different living and communication style.
If she is good with your son, then that positive dynamic should be your primary concern. It is important that you keep this in mind as you course correct and adjust to one another.
First to her comment to your son that he was “slacking” because you were up before him. To me, this seems like a lighthearted comment that, depending on the dynamic and your son’s abilities, could easily be seen as a joking nudge, establishing a rapport with him.
You should examine if you have taken this entirely the wrong way, triggered by your other annoyances. However, if this sort of comment would cause your son to feel bad, or be anxious, then you should correct Darla about matters having to do with tone.
You and your husband should sit down with her. Start with positive feedback regarding the work she is there to do. Review some basics regarding the household.
Your husband should make clear that his workday has already begun when she arrives in the morning: “So, after I’ve let you in, I’ve got to get right to my work. It’s best if I’m not interrupted, unless it’s important.”
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