ArcaMax

I've been so distressed that I haven't finished writing my will – even with my attorney's assistance.

I am in my 60s, female, and single. My friends are my family.

What should I do?

– Wanting to Turn Off the Advice "Faucet"

Dear Wanting: Hearing advice feels worse than someone merely expressing an opinion different from your own, because when someone offers advice, they are actually telling you what to do. And if this advice is unsolicited, they are assuming that you need it, perhaps because your own judgment is flawed.

Your internal reaction to all of this unsolicited advice is understandable.

However, you don’t mention ever discussing this with “Susan.” Your passivity has contributed to the problem.

Yes, you’ve tried to head her off at the pass, but that hasn’t worked and so now you are absorbing all of this explosive rage, rather than risk telling this very old friend how her behavior affects you.

If you want to continue with this friendship, you should give Susan the benefit of knowing the intensity of your reaction to her unsolicited advice. Say, “I’ve stopped being in touch so often because I find your advice oppressive. I’ve been looking for friendship, not advice. Can we try for a reset?”

If Susan is so locked into her habit – or so dense – that she responds to this statement by offering advice, you could interrupt her: “Oops, there – you’re doing it. That’s exactly what has been bothering me so much.”

...continued