Life Advice



Ask Amy: Prospective groomsman taken by surprise

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: My wife’s sister “Georgia” and her fiancé “Jon” are getting married in March.

As the wedding is getting closer, their Save the Date cards were sent out with a wedding website listed on the card.

As my wife and I were looking through the website, I was taken aback by seeing my name listed as a groomsman. I have yet to be asked by the groom or bride to be part of their day.

I feel like I should not have to reach out to them, but now I also feel obligated to be part of their day.

Am I being petty?

– The Petty Groomsman


Dear Groomsman: Your internal reaction to this surprise doesn’t seem petty (to me), but even if your reaction is actually and objectively petty – so what?

I give you official permission to have a full-on petty-party. I’ll bring the cupcakes.

Once you’re done, I suggest that you react to this frankly and with good humor.

If you don’t want to assume this honor/obligation, you should definitely let the couple know – sooner rather than later.


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